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Tuesday, September 23, 2008
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Boyfriend 6.0
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Alright! Gosh! ::sigh:: But not having anything to say that anyone has not already heard me say, I find that after over three months of absence from the blogosphere, I must post something to appease the teeming masses. ::rolls eyes::
My mom read this to me the other day, actually aloud to my dad and I. And I find it blogworthy. So it’s not my own, but you’re gonna love this one, techie or not. :)
Question
Dear Tech Support:
Help!! Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 6.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software; severely limiting access to applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 6.0, such as Jewelry 7.4, Flowers 6.1, and PersonalAttention 14.1. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, NFL 5.0, NBA 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this general purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!!
Signed Jane
Answer
Dear Jane:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is due to a common misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 6.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 6.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, it is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.
In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to reinstall Boyfriend 6.0. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the section of your manual regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8. TECH TIP: Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a “C:\I APOLOGIZE” command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Drinking 6.0. Drinking 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble. The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 6.0 ran.
Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 7.7. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 12.1.
A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is NOT a supported application, and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled. I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in the coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!
Sincerely,
Tech Support >> |
posted by cori
9/23/2008 07:58:00 AM
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I have often wondered whether MotherInLaw 1.0 refers to *his* mother-in-law? or mine?
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| The ShugaBowl |
| Sounds like some kind of sports thing, but in reality, the ShugaBowl is just a little hideaway for me, Sugarcube herself, to let loose my thoughts and occasional creativeness. |
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I have often wondered whether MotherInLaw 1.0 refers to *his* mother-in-law? or mine?